Dream a little dream

At this point in my short-lived existence, I have achieved few, if not none, of the objectives I had my mind set upon. I am utterly disappointed with myself. I had hopes and dreams, now I think of getting over the days..

I think I consider myself a free spirit. I know I cannot stand doing the same thing for a long amount of time. That is why I know (or at least think I know) many things.

I have a gift for writing and I have ideas by the second. Too bad most of the time they don't worth a thing.. Anyway, let me tell you a little story...

One of my dreams /what I really wanted to do does not lie here. I wanted to go away, some place else, where no one would know who I am.

Some place like a small town, maybe near the sea. I would have a house big enough for me, on a considerate open space. It would have a nice garden where I'd plant my own herbs and I'd have a nature shop where I'd sell my herbs, nature products and I'd have the knowledge of healing plants. In the late afternoon, after a day's work I would sit on the porch sipping a nice cup of tea and reading a book. It would also be the perfect place for me to delve my own books and work on my plots while watching a beautiful sunset. It sounds too nice to happen.

I always wanted to have a bar of my own.. Possibly influenced by a friend of mine who works in one and I kinda know the ropes of the biz.. Nevertheless, I still keep my first option, the nice and cosy little place.

Funny, I don’t see any “significant other” in that picture. Just the house, the books and me. Maybe that’s because I don’t see myself having a significant other that lasts that long.

I’ve thought of leaving thousands of times before.. I guess I never had the chance..
I have a friend of mine; she works in a youth institute. They develop all kinds of projects throughout Europe. I talked to her some time back and she said I could go on a volunteering mission. I put my best inquiring face. Then she explained it all to me.
The admissions are till September and I could be out of here from six to twelve months.

I look at the paperwork I have on my desk right now. With that longing look.. I want to go away, I need to go away.

It’s all filled and signed, but will I deliver it?

I can go to any EU country, even those that joined recently like Belarus, Romania or Turkey. I wouldn’t mind if I got any of these. I’d be there to help.

I look once again at the papers. Do I have a reason strong enough to make me stay?

I don’t think so.

I feel some tears on my face. I still cling to my cottage-by-the sea dream while all around I see storms and it doesn’t look good.

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Listening to: Whether you fall-Tracy Bonham