I am afraid

I am afraid of being broke.
I am afraid of gaining weight.
I am afraid of liars.
I am afraid of that people do not like me.
I am afraid of losing control.
I am afraid of distance.
I am afraid of success.
I am afraid of failure.
I am afraid of that I will run out of creativity and imagination.
I am afraid of aging.
I am afraid of war.
I am afraid of technology.
I am afraid of people.
I am afraid of light.
I am afraid of darkness.
I am afraid of open areas.
I am afraid of strangers.
I am afraid of not being able to learn new things.
I am afraid of falling in love with the wrong person.
I am afraid of falling in love with the person who does not love me.
I am afraid that no one would love me no more.
I am afraid of marriage.
I am afraid of marrying the wrong person.
I am afraid that no one would marry me after all.
I am afraid of getting pregnant.
I am afraid of not being able to accomplish what I planned to accomplish.
I am afraid of my monthly bank statement.
I am afraid of regrets.
I am afraid of responsabilities.
I am afraid of changes.
I am afraid of clever people.
I am afraid of dumb people.
I am afraid of noises.
I am afraid of silence.
I am afraid of the future.
I am afraid of the past repeating itself.
I am afraid of politics.
I am afraid of getting lost.
I am afraid of saying goodbye.
I am afraid of wasting my time.
I am afraid of plane crashes.
I am afraid of extreme depression.
I am afraid of confronting with my weaknesses.
I am afraid of meaningless conversations.
I am afraid of being alone.
I am afraid of not being able to understand people.
I am afraid of not being understood.
I am afraid of being misunderstood.
I am afraid of being betrayed.
I am afraid of being turned down.
I am afraid of returned mail.
I am afraid of people’s expectations.
I am afraid of hoping.
I am afraid of waiting.
I am afraid when things don’t turn out the way I expected them to be.
I am afraid of myself.
I am afraid of being forgotten.
I am afraid of being afraid.

 

 

Just something to think about...

Thanks to Hugo for the great sketch! You really caught the essence! (^_~)b

1000 visitors

I mean, wow...

It has been along way now and I think that The Kiss Of The Valkyrie has grown a lot, not to mention myself. 1000 visitors in 5 months really exceeded my expectations! Of course I am doing a rough statistic and I'm adding another 1000 and say that since I'm on the blogging world, nearly 2000 people have visited (yes, they are not listed because I only put the counter in April 2006)
That is... a lot :)
I am trully happy and I hope to keep The Kiss Of The Valkyrie alive and kickin'!

Many thanks to all of you who came here.

x x x

Your House

I went to your house
Walked up the stairs
Opened your door without ringing the bell
Walked down the hall
Into your room where I could smell you
And I shouldn't be here
Without permission
Shouldn't be here...

Would you forgive me love if I dance in your shower?
Would you forgive me love if I laid in your bed?
Would you forgive me love if I stay all afternoon?

I took off my clothes
Put on your robe
Went through your drawers
And I found your cologne
Went down do the den
Found your CD’s
And I played your Joni

And I shouldn't stay long
You might be home soon
Shouldn't stay long...

Would you forgive me love if I danced in your shower
Would you forgive me love if I laid in your bed?
Would you forgive me love if I stay all afternoon?

I burned your incense
I ran a bath
I noticed a letter that sat on your desk
It said:
"Hello love.
I love you so, love.
Meet me at midnight."
And no, it wasn't my writing
I'd better go soon
It wasn't my writing

So forgive me love if I cry in your shower
So forgive me love for the salt in your bed
So forgive me love if I cry all afternoon

..__..

I...

It's hard to cope with contradictory feelings.

School started and it's not gonna be easy. At least I have found a place to move, but I still have to take my stuff out of her place.

Should I go there when she's not in and that's too bitchy or should I go when she is and it will be way awkward? I'll think of it later...

Never, ever let an ex have the key to your house. It's kinda the key to your heart. After all the battles, it still is enemy territory.

It's oh so late and I don't feel tired, I want to sleep but I can't seem to do it. I have to wake up early in the morning.

The bed is wailing, the sheets are astray, the pillow mourns...

Protect Darfur! Put your blue helmet in the map!! / Protejam Darfur! Coloquem o vosso capacete azul no mapa!!

Thousands of people in Darfur (Western Sudan) are still being killed, raped and displaced from their homes, despite the signing of a peace agreement on 5 may 2006.

Send UN peacekeepers now!

The UN says around 23,000 peacekeepers are neede to protect the civilians and implement the peace agreement - we say they are needed NOW!

Add your blue helmet!

Sign our petition to send a UN peacekeeping force to Darfur NOW. We want 23,000 signatures for 23,000 peacekeepers. Add your blue helmet to our virtual peacekeeping map.

Go to: http://www.amnesty.org/protectdarfur.

..__..

Ponha o seu capacete azul no mapa!
Proteja o povo de Darfur. Colabore!

Centenas de pessoas em Darfur (oeste do Sudão) continuam a ser torturadas, violadas e obrigadas a sairem das suas próprias casas, apesar do acordo de paz de 5 de Maio de 2006.
As Nações Unidas consideram ser preciso cerca de 23.000 capacetes azuis para protegerem os civis e zelarem pelo cumprimento do acordo de paz. A AI exige a presença das forças de manutenção de paz, AGORA!
Junte-se a nós e «envie-nos» um capacete azul!
Participe nesta petição, envie-nos de imediato a sua assinatura, para que as forças de manutenção de paz da ONU se estabeleçam em Darfur AGORA!
Precisamos de 23.000 assinaturas para os 23.000 soldados de manutenção de paz. Junte o seu capacete azul para construírmos um mapa virtual.

Não deixe passar esta oportunidade! Dê-nos o seu contributo. O Povo de Darfur Precisa de si!
Vá a http://www.amnesty.org/protectdarfur.

Change in weather, change of heart

It's raining outside. I was in my room laying on bed, putting some words together, trying to make some sense out of them. I have new beautiful songs to hear today, but I am not smiling. In a whim, I got out of bed and got dressed.

"Are you going somewhere?" I hear.

"No."

"But.." I closed the door behind me. The rain is pouring heavier than I expected. I have no more strength to walk away.

I stood there, letting the rain soak me. In the middle of all that, I feel my face is warmer and I'm sure it isn't the rain because the rain isn't warm and salty. If you saw me standing there would you know I was crying?

You come outside as well and you see me kneeling on the ground. You say what's the matter with you?!

I can't hear you. I see your lips moving but I can hear no sound. My sobbing speaks louder than your pleads.

"Let's go!"

"NO! Leave me alone.." I look away and stare at you like a wounded animal.

Against all expectations, you embrace me and we stay under the rain. Not a word was uttered. Only muffled sobbing and comforting whispers and heavy rain fill the grey atmosphere.

As if the earth would crumble upon our feet, guardedly we got back inside.

The silence is a constant.

I am not angry anymore. And I don't feel like crying either. Today I have experienced quite a lot of intense feelings inside me and I've reached a conclusion: It was a turning point.

"Thank you." I sincerely said, showing a feeble hint of a smile as an apology.

The smile I was shown could lighten up a thousand rooms but more important...

 

It lightened up my heart.

Finito Est

When things start to go bad for me, they usually go bad all the way..

It's over. Another cycle has ended. I tried to deny it for some time now, but I guess I saw it coming crystal clear.

I am not going to mourn it, it wasn't even painful to hear or see or feel.

It wasn't painful now. It will be later when I realize it.

"Lovers may come and go, but friends stay forever. I want to be your friend. Please..."

It was the last line I heard. Not a single tear escaped my eyes. An answer was long awaited.

The silence was overwhelming. No, I'm not one to make a drama of such things, I've learned to accept Fate and all its twists and turns. I respect it and so, I quietly and humbly resign to myself. It's not my turn to be happy, Not yet.

"Alright." It escaped my lips in the form of a sigh. I felt somehow relieved too.

I felt a warm embrace around me and tear-streaked cheeks press against mine.

"Thank you." The hands caressed my face like so many times before. The eyes, looked sad and thankful at the same time. I wiped some of the tears with my fingers. It was strange.

"I should go now." Despite looking apparently calm, my inner self boiled for an escape.

"Yes..." The soft lips pressed mine as a farewell gift, but I couldn't take long. The kiss was deep but what emotion was left now?

None. I kissed back gently and smiled feebly. "Take care." I left.

I don't want to talk 'bout it, period. From here, no more words shall escape my mouth. In fact, I am trully much looking forward to forget it happened.

I should leave. This place, this city.. I am tired of Lisbon. I want peace. I want a new life. I want MY house by the sea. I want a new heart...

Is it going to be like this forever? The constant running away? If love keeps running out on me should I chase it? Where?

No one knows. But it hurts me a little when I see people happy and in love. I don't envy them. I... I just... I want to feel that too.

And yes, I still believe love is a two-way bridge. The fairytale kind, the one that makes you get butterflies in your belly, the one you know you want to spend the rest of your life with... What point is there in loving someone who doesn't love you back? Just a waste of energy. However... I also believe that love can be a one-way road. When you know the one you love will never love you back the same way, you don't try anymore, you don't stall and let everyone follow their path in life. "Your happiness is my happiness." Some one said someday, maybe I saw it in a movie or so.. True.. but I never said that it was a burden easy to bear, did I?

My horoscope for Wednesday 6, September 2006

Aquarius (Jan 20 - Feb 18)

Your life could look sweet and easy from the outside, but you are struggling between keeping your strongest feelings to yourself and just revealing everything. It's hard to rely on your intuition, for your hunches just don't seem to fit. You know that your feelings are right and you want to trust them, but your current situation may not give you the opportunity to choose. Don't get concerned if you cannot make the changes now. Your time will come.

 

My Tarot Card for Today

The Hanged Man

May your sacrifices be meaningful.

 

Number for Today: 3

A recent conflict may be resolved today. It's a wonderful day for intelligent discussions and the sharing of ideas. You may recognize beauty in life that you'd previously ignored, and harmony reigns supreme. All seems right in your world.

lazy/thoughts

I'm sorry for not posting for a while now, but since I'm lacking inspiration I think the best thing to do is not to do anything at all. So, maybe next week (or by the end of this one) I hope to have some ideas.