Something is not right. I am not right. How can this suddenly happen?

Yes, I acknowledge what I said today. "War it is."

The question is, is it a war worth fighting for? Or will I be another among the casualties?

Is the sacrifice one makes too much of a high price to pay? Some would say yes, others no.

That is something only time can answer. But lessons past have taught me that the sacrifice of not loving isn't a sacrifice at all. Nothing is compared to the loss of a love lost even before it knew it was love.

Love is not a feeling, it's a plague. One of the most persistent ones I might add.

One cannot suffer from a disease if one does not risk into contaminated environments. So that is the solution, I shall not be contaminated for I won't even dare to walk to the border between me and the disease.

I shall remain in my ice tower as some would describe it, away from the disease. Not loving, not suffering, not living.

What's a life good for if it's taken from you?

Call me mad if you'd like, for it was love himself that threw me into this state of madness. It is only fair that I pay him back, by not letting him creep into my heart, by not letting him pulse in my veins, by not letting him use my voice to profess lies.

War it is.


I wish I could hate you as much as I love you.

In much need of CPR *

To my surprise, this is the last place I expected to come to tonight. It's been so long ago since my last post, things, people, life got in the way and time is never enough to do anything.

I wanted to write things, beautiful things in fact.

I should be really happy today, I had the reasons to.

Somehow, all of this does not concur with what I am feeling now. Funny how little things, itsy-bitsy details can make one's mood go from the sky into an abyss in 1.7 seconds. I really didn't count, but it seemed the right amount of time.

I feel weird now. But I didn't back then. Back then, it seemed things were a bit too good to be happening.

So I think now: some things are best left unseen, unheard and unspoken. They definitely do.



*The blog, not me... Although I think I need something like it, maybe just some defibrillation will do the trick...
if there is really a cure for this pathology.