It's funny.. I never thought I'd write about this in the blog. Not that I haven't considered it at some point. I just thought it never came in handy so to speak.
As for the people who know me, you must know that I have quite a knack and interest for the most variable things. From the most trivial ones to the most eclectic, mystic I should add.
I am not going to say I am special or anything like that. Everyone is special in their own way.
I am not going to say I a better than the average, because believe me, I am not.
But I will say that I think I was blessed with a Gift. A gift that sometimes I have not used properly. Either didn't know how to use it, or tried to eat more than my own bite could reach.
Since I was little I felt things I knew most of the people did not. Of course for a long time I did not care for that. Until around 14, I was a perfectly content teenager only angry at the world and some puberty issues. Just normal.
Then there was something inside me that started stirring and suddenly I saw myself compelled to know more. To know more about unknown things. So I started buying books and reading compulsively. I thought I had found a calling. To help others with my Gift.
But then I did not know how to put it to use. I never had much interest for the divinatory arts until I read a book about Tarot. And just then I had to learn how to. I just felt it.
So, around 15-ish, I bought my first and only Tarot deck. It was beautiful, I saved a lot of money just for it. It had Egyptian motives and all the cards were golden. At first, I was afraid to work with it, since it was such a work of art. But I studied and prayed a lot hoping I'd be in right path to use my talent as better as I could. So, one time I was with some friends and the matter popped up in conversation. I wasn't sure if it would work but they asked me to do a reading for each. And so I did.
When I ended up both, I could only see two astounded faces. They said that as far as they could tell, I was oh so very close to what was happening to them. That made me happy, because there were aspects of their lives that despite me being their friend I could not know. And I truly was happy because I was using my Gift well! And it wasn't a phony, it was the real thing.
After that I only accepted doing readings for friends who were in need and no, I did not accept anything in exchange except their gratitude and friendship. Truly happy days I lived back then.
Of course, life has always ways to turn you up side down and I went through some times that I
completely forgot the meaning of what I had promised myself and also forgot my Gift. I forgot the Rules and that made me pay a price. At some point, I forgot all about the Arts and lived each day on a self-loathing basis. I even thought I had lost my deck, and when that happened, I also felt I had lost my Gift. I never touched anything related to the Arts since then.
Troubled times ensued, but I managed to overcome them.
Lots of things changed, time passed and I soon found myself with a renewed fascination for the Arts again. So I began searching. I searched for my books, my writings. And I got it all, except for one thing, my Tarot deck. I have to say I was very sad, for it was one of my most treasured things.
I was like so, until someone needed the Cards again. I was asked if I still did the readings. I said I did them a long time ago, haven't done it in a while. But the situation at hand required it from me. So, I thought hard and turned my house up side down, for it was an important situation and guidance was needed. One way or another. I remember having my grandmother mad at me for I was really turned into a hell hound, thrashing the house looking for them. Then I smiled. And cried at the same time, of joy.
I had found my deck, among some old stuff I kept away. I brought them into my room but then it hit me.
I don't have It anymore, so why am I doing this? As I said before, I thought I had lost my abilities when I lost my deck, for I hadn't been able to guard such a precious Gift and now, lawfully, it had been taken away from me. Now that I had the deck in my hands, I was not sure If I wanted to do it anymore. I withdrew the deck from its box and unwrapping it from the white cloth I keep it in. I sat by the small table I have in my room as doing my own rituals as I do before any reading. I really hoped the cards gave us some kind of answer.
I did the spread and before any deep analysis, I could tell it was not very good.
Despite the overall feeling of uneasiness of being the bearer of not so very good news, I was extremely happy. For what I had seen in the Cards conveyed to what was happening, to what had happened without me having a prior knowledge of it all. As for what shall happen, the Cards do not lie. Only people can change their destiny. And it's up to us to be happy. Happiness is not a gift, it's a state for which all of us try to achieve. And we can only do that with hard work, open hearts and minds. Good things come not to those who wait, but for those who work hard and whose spirits are open to life's twists and turns and accept that as a part of the trials that God has set upon us.
Now I know, the Gift has never left me. I just didn't look for It in the right places. The Gift has never left me, it was I who abandoned It's Ways. It was always there, hoping for me to find it again by myself. And I did, for my need to help others was greater than any other need.
"Help thy brother, selflessly, expecting nothing in return and the Lord shall reward you." Well, I don't know if the words are correct, but what counts is the meaning.
I am far from being perfect and just like the Prodigal, I still have many miles to walk and many lessons to learn to be able to return to my Father.
email this post
