quick thought - :]

Para ver, para dar
para estar, para ter
para ir, pra ouvir
pra sorrir e entrar
para rir, pra voltar
a tentar, pra sentir
e mudar, pra voltar
a cair, para me levantar
para nunca mais tentar mentir.

Pra crescer, para amar
para ser o lugar
pra viver e gostar
de gostar de viver
pra fugir, pra mostrar
pra dizer, pra ter paz pra dormir,
pra fingir, acordar
para ser, derramar
para nunca mais tentar mentir.

Ornatos Violeta - Para nunca mais mentir.

I find it amasing how 3 months in Biology changed me more than 3 years in Chemistry... my life is now more interesting but also waaaay more confusing. Although I'm trying to navigate through the chaos, learning new tricks and new moves because I'm pressured to do so, I've got no regrets. I kinda like it also. :)

One year has passed since the first post.
A lot has changed since then. Maybe not visible, blatant changes. But hey, it's the small changes that make the world go round.
I am very happy with the outcome of this blog, it has overcome the expectations I had for it when I created it.
Not only it's a way to somehow express myself, it is certainly and sometimes a part of me. I actually thought: 'Well ok, I have a blog but it's not like many people are gonna check it out..Apart from some friends and that...' Well I was wrong, I have had great feedback on it and it only makes me more willing to continue keep working on it. Also, I have a great back-up team, that apart from having some minor flaws in terms of timing (Yes O-ren, that's for you!! (^^_)) they are awesome people and I am very glad that they are in this boat.

I'd like to thank all the people and factors that were directly related or not, who have been of some inspiration to me, to us here in The Kiss Of The Valkyrie.

To all, thank you and blessed be!

P.S.: The cake looks better if you click on it :/

Journey

The bus station was not as crowded as I expected it to be. A friend of mine was her like an hour ago and she said it was chaotic. I, fortunately or not, got behind. Went shopping, I thought I still had some time but then again I was wrong. I missed the bus by like one minute. Oh well... But it was so worth it. I've been saving up for this really wicked gift to a friend of mine like for ages and as soon I had it and as soon it was available, I went to get it.

Okay, one downside, I am officially broke now. I got like 10€ on my account... :/ but hey! I am complaining! (much...*sob sob*)

Now I am waiting, sitting at one bench.

Funny...

That's all I've been doing today. Wait. No, I've been running all day.

I wonder... We keep waiting and waiting most of our lives, waiting for what we call the 'right' moment for everything, but when it comes, will we be ready to accept it, to live it?

I don't think so. People are never happy. I mean they say they are happy but in fact they aren't. Happiness is just a matter of neural transmissions going bad and poor-mindness, some times.

It's a general imposition to the human race.

As I write, dozens of people pass in front of me. Complete strangers to one another,and yet...

We all suffer from the same pathology.

Life.

Broken promises and dreams.

Failures.

Trials and errors

That's who we are.

Some in vitro experiment gone bad.

(Memo: write to God and ask for Him to build a better playground on my next life. I am sure that will be filed along with the other 1,000,000,000,000,000 requests)

Best joke ever! xD

Um dia, a rosa encontrou a couve-flor e disse:
- Que petulância, se chamar de flor! Veja sua pele áspera e a minha, lisa e sedosa.
Veja seu cheiro desagradável e meu perfume, sensual e envolvente.
Veja seu corpo grosseiro e o meu, delgado e elegante... Eu, sim, sou uma flor!!!

E a couve-flor respondeu:
...mas ninguém te come.

Is Hell exothermic or endothermic?

A true story: A thermodynamics professor had written a take home exam for his graduate students. It had one question:

Is hell exothermic or endothermic?
Support your answer with a proof.

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant.

One student, however wrote the following:

---

First, we postulate that if souls exist, they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving?

I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant.

1) So, if hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose.

2) Of course, if hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over.

---

The student got the only A.

 

 

Ai... isto vem mesmo a calhar para o teste de IQF.. *gulp!* That person is my hero! xD

Inconstância

Procurei o amor, que me mentiu.
Pedi à Vida mais do que ela dava;
Eterna sonhadora edificava
Meu castelo de luz que me caiu!

Tanto clarão nas trevas refulgiu,
E tanto beijo a boca me queimava!
E era o sol que os longes deslumbrava
Igual a tanto sol que me fugiu!

Passei a vida a amar e a esquecer...
Atrás do sol dum dia outro a aquecer
As brumas dos atalhos por onde ando...

E este amor que assim me vai fugindo
Fé igual a outro amor que vai surgindo,
Que há-de partir também... nem eu sei quando...

Florbela Espanca

My everyday life in lyrics ^^

"A sunny day
I wake up and I see I have overslept
I'm already late
No need to rush anymore
That feels so good I've got a new stereo
That means I've got a new toy
I turned it on
I love the moment of picking a CD

Things are pretty simple around me
Days are quick to pass me by
All I wanna do is to be with my favorite things

My favorite songs My favorite TV shows are never ending
My favorite books My favorite radio shows will never die
They echo inside me
No need to understand me (...)"

Ellegarden - My favourite Song

Run girl run!

Funny thing how life works...

Sometimes the word "ironic" is just way too good or not even enough to describe some of life's quirks.

I am (well, by the time I'll be posting this, was..) on the train now. I'm going to a friend's place so we can study together, we have a test on Saturday and I really need to pass! OK, so I'm going there. We work pretty well and her boyfriend is good at explaining us the stuff we quite don't get.

This is the first time I actually go to her house but...

Yesterday, when she was giving me the directions to take and all, I almost wish she hadn't..

Because...

I know where she lives. I mean, I know the area, place, whatever..

' Cos I've been there before. Lots of times. Quite some time ago, it was almost my second place to be, if not first. I was rarely home back then.

It's a place that brings me some unpleasant but also, reassuring feelings.

That I am NOT EVER going back to what I was back then.

It's a place where in the past I'd come to get high. Yep, you read well. Get high, stoned, make out with Ms. Lucy in the sky with diamonds, you pick.

And now... I am exactly *there*.

You must agree that it's quite.. awkward.

I used to go there to get high, now I'm here to study! (hard, believe me!)

It's difficult to express, what I am feeling now. A mix of contradictory feelings is stirring inside of me.

My first step out of the train.. God, I was almost trembling. To revive all the memories I had.. walk the same streets and alleys.. I was so relieved when I got to her place. Relieved.

The rest of the day went well, it was a good work day and I am pleased with it.

I really like the new approach I've taken with my life, that I'll always confront my problems, my fears, my hopes. But...

It's quite a burden, I tell you.

Yeah yeah, I know. It'll make me stronger in character. But I dunno if I want to be strong anymore. It's like where is the point of war when you're out of enemies to fight?

Yes, I still have many demons in my closet and problems and fears. Nevertheless sometimes I just want to let go.

There's no point on having wars if you don't have enemies. There's also no point on fighting if you don't have allies to help you on the battlefield.

I am wondering which one suits me most... (By the way, that's MY phrase)

Nostalgia

Acabadinha de chegar a casa!

Hoje almocei com um moço. Não estou propriamente nos meus dias por isso não falei muito, ouvi-o mais a contar histórias mirambolantes e meio doidas da altura em que ele ainda estava na escola. :)

Agora enquanto estava a espera do meu último autocarro lembrei-me de uma que ele me contou, sobre o como ele conheceu his best friend e isso fez-me pensar, como é que conheci a Greedy? (greedy = greedy fly, aquela música velhinha dos Bush que ela adora :))

Um pouco de contexto: a minha infância e tempos de escola foram uma treta e uma seca até ao 11º ano. Até lá, eu era tão tótó! xD Caladinha, sempre na minha, sem amigos... quer dizer, isto tudo até conhecer a Greedy, que foi provavelmente a minha primeira amiga à séria e o "catalizador" da minha mudança.

Se bem me lembro conheci a míuda por uma amiga em comum e foi click instantâneo porque que começámos logo a falar de música. Ela andava com um diskman e mostrava-me CDs, eu falava com ela do vídeo que tinha visto na tv ou na música nova que estava a passar na rádio... a miúda é capaz de falar sobre música durante horas a fio sem brincadeira, e quando nós engrenávamos na conversa, ninguém nos parava! xD Lembro-me até de outra que costumava entrar em pânico porque nós não nos calávamos!

Aquela miúda é fabulosa. Numa fase menos boa é certo, mas sei que ela consegue dar a volta.^^

É curioso que apesar de já não estar com ela à imenso tempo, sempre que estou é graças a qualquer "evento" musical. Fomos ao nosso primeiro festival de Verão juntas (Super Rock Super Bock!!! 2 dias =D!!) e ao primeiro concerto de Pearl Jam (que foi absolutamente genial)... adoro como foram grandes momentos tanto para mim como para ela, e como a primeira pessoa em que eu pensei para os partilhar foi ela e como ela fez o mesmo comigo... adoro este tipo de detalhes, é graças a estas pequenas coisas que ela é minha irmã. Apesar de ser loira e eu não. E ter pais completamente diferentes dos meus. E de viver noutra casa. xD

Ainda a rapto para um café... damn, those were the days, gostava de estar a falar com ela sobre música agora =).

Waiting alone

 

Your powdered white face, black lines, sunken eyes remind me of the days when we laughed for hours, my hand in yours as the lightning lit an empty sky.... My hand in yours.
Your powdered white face, black lines, sunken eyes remind me of the days when we laughed for hours, my hand in yours as the lightning lit an empty sky.... Empty promises, forgotten dreams, and tears.

The afternoon shadows stretch through your bedroom windowsill and down the hall to the room where I sleep each night.... Waiting alone in silence for you to return

 

Waiting alone...

 

-- in Journal For The Condemned

Insert coin

Well, it's one of those days again. One where I self-pity for not having done more, for not trying harder, for not... that's it. Not.

The word I was looking for. Hmm.. actually an adverb which denotes negation of a word and/or a group of words.

I think it pretty much describes me.

Try adding that to most of the adjectives you know and you get... me.

Actually.. you get pretty much everyone using that.. But heck. It's my turn now.

I am more calm now, but I had a rollercoaster day. So now I am listening to mellow songs, got the Kleenex box by my side, my nose is all blocked and my voice is raspy..

I had Doc earlier. You know, that pretty lady Doc I think I already mentioned here.

Well, she's still pretty since the last session. A tad bit lil' more if I dare to say. Anyway... we started talking and and she asked me stuff, she compared some of her notes and said that I'm making good progresses. She said she was really happy for that and honestly, so was I.

So far so good. We then debated on my antagonist mother/daughter relationship Or the lack of it, that's better.

That's a critical point for me I must confess (well, one among many..). But I am trying, and so far I haven't managed to overcome it or at least have a different approach to it. Maybe it's more complex than I or Doc thought... Any way, we just started on that now.

The talk moved into areas like physical contact and/or physical displays. In an earlier evaluation, she noted that I gestured a lot, but when it came it actual contact, she quoted what I said before (e.g, someone holding/embracing me) I would withdraw myself and most likely to break contact. She now asked me why.

"I don't want to get attached too much to people. They will eventually leave and that would hurt."

"So you're telling me that you don't get close in that way to other people because you're anticipating their departure from your life?"

"Yeah, pretty much that. Except that it only applies to the people I really like. I mean, really really like."

 "So tell me, does it happens more with boys or girls?" I swear that woman reads people. She READS 'em. OK, that's her job really.

I didn't even blinked when I she asked that.

"Girls."

"You feel more affinity towards them because of your mother, am I right?"

"Yes." Pull-the-talk-outta-me-with-a-string face.

"Do you know the reason why?"

Ok, I started kind of twitching on my seat. "Well.. I think it's because.. I believe I could compensate the non-existent motherly bond by finding other people whose traits would appeal to me.

"And..?"

"And that would be by searching for, in this case, a female sort of model/reference, or if you like, people that I am comfortable with."

She just looked at me wanting some more complete answer. "And.. it usually never works because in that search I always tend, well it sort of happens in the process, to end up having mixed up feelings." Please stop now.

"Are you embarrassed now? By telling this?"

"Yes, a little." NO!! You should have said no!

"It's alright. Tell me, when was the last time you had a display of affection from your mother?"

"Can never be applied here? Because I honestly do not remember. I must have been a baby then and I still have some doubts about that."

"Sarcasm isn't allowed."

Damn..

"Very well.. What would your reaction be, if your mother hugged you for instance?"

My face must have been priceless back then. "None. I wouldn't have a reaction."

"I see."

"No you don't Doc. It's awful when you know you came here into this world and you weren't wanted. But worse of all is when that isn't even concealed and most of the time, rubbed on your face. This, I wouldn't wish not to even the worse of my enemies. Yes I am afraid of love and to be loved because all I've learned so far hurts too much to say, and people really don't care and people leave. They leave you stranded. So I have no reasons to be here because the issues I have about my mother will never go away because she simply.. doesn't... care."

Ok, snapping point. Here all hell broke loose and so the friggin' tears that had been building up in my eyes. She gave me some space. Then rose up and came up to me.

She knelt down and said "I already know the answer, but did your mother ever held you on anytime you cried or anything similar?.

"No." I said between sobs. "Even if she wanted it, I wouldn't let her. Mothers should not hurt their children. They shouldn't." And I kept crying.

"As a mother, I completely agree with what you said. I'd never forgive myself if I knew my child was in such pain and do nothing about it. No one deserves to carry such burden."

"Yeah, well.." I had nothing more to say.

She looked at the clock. "I guess our time's up. I want to see you again, this time sooner. Is next month ok for you?"

"Yes."

"Good. You did well today." She smiled. "Your process of exteriorizing your emotions is going well, now you must keep going."

"Thanks Doc." Really, I didn't know whether to thank her or hate her. No, I don't hate her.

She walked me to the door and hugged me. I felt weird. No no... not that weird. I mean a confusing weird. Yea it was that. I mean, we were just talking about that. I think it must have been some part of the therapy, I dunno. I just stood there, didn't move a muscle. I swear I didn't know what to do.

"It's ok. You'll get there. See you next month."

"Goodbye."

Home. Finally. The drive was in utter silence. I was asked how it went in there.
Fine, it was just fine.

I ate something, but my stomach was clenching. I just wanted my room.

Now I am in my room since dinner time. I have papers scattered on my desk, a prelude for a works' night and the sleeves of my shirt are a little wrinkled and wet.

I came here and cried. No emotions attached to my tears now. I guess I just needed to get something out of my system. The concern of getting back tomorrow sort of haunts me. I don't want to go.

I just wanted her to love me. Is that so much to ask?

Rir sem piada nenhuma, chorar de uma hora para outra, gritar no meio do silêncio e ficar em silêncio no meio de 1 milhão de pessoas gritando.
Hoje eu consegui rir, chorar, gritar, ficar em silêncio dessa forma pela primeira vez e confesso que ando descobrir que é a melhor coisa que existe no mundo.

For the first time in a long time,
I realized,
I am happy :)


Backgroung music for my ecstatic soul:
Learning to breathe - Nerina Pallot

I'm learning to breathe on my own

Up here so high the sky I scrape...

In my tree...

I'm trading stories with the leaves..

A photoblog with a twist (that I love) - the girl who takes the photos only puts Pearl Jam lyrics (band that rules the Universe<3 - and yes, I am that biased towards them *grin*) as captions.

Nice pics and very smart captioning turns visiting this blog into a pleasant experience ^^.