08 April, 2010
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Hide and seek
Life has taken over, once again. Nonetheless, now it feels like I'm actually having a purpose in it. Happiness is not a solid concept, but I am beginning to see some of its effects, even if small ones.
There are some things still missing. Then again, perfection is not something that can be achieved but something to be achieved, little by little, in the details of our mortal lives.
Today, I smiled for no apparent reason. Or was there a reason? Not an immediate reason, I reckon but a reason that had been kept away, subconsciously in my mind. Funny how random thoughts, fruit of some creativity can bring both mirth and sorrow together in the same moment. However, just for a moment.
Life, as it is, is slowly being shaped, carved into some more... let's say... regular parameters. Yet, there are edges of and in me that cannot be filinged.
Today, my heart beat faster for no apparent reason. Or was there a reason?
No, there was no reason at all. Unfortunately, one cannot control the chemical and biological actions of its own body, when reactions are triggered even by the slightest sun beam. Because deep inside, the heart knows what the mind denies is true.
The mirth will always overcome the sorrow but the sorrow will never leave, becoming that constant regret, anger, the impotence before something that was doomed, even prior to its beginning or the thing that no one could stop from happening.
Things happen because they happen. Like the glass I dropped this morning before leaving, like the keys I forgot after I left, like the fall I took to avoid getting hit and hit another car, like the little notes randomly found making a little more bearable the absence of something dear, like the deadline I am running against in order to present a term paperwork... They just happen.
And in this eternal game of hide and seek I permeate my existence, not knowing if am I to hide forever or seek any other way to fool my heart.
What is done, is done.
Today, my heart beat faster for no apparent reason. Or was there a reason?
Yes, there was a reason.
There are some things still missing. Then again, perfection is not something that can be achieved but something to be achieved, little by little, in the details of our mortal lives.
Today, I smiled for no apparent reason. Or was there a reason? Not an immediate reason, I reckon but a reason that had been kept away, subconsciously in my mind. Funny how random thoughts, fruit of some creativity can bring both mirth and sorrow together in the same moment. However, just for a moment.
Life, as it is, is slowly being shaped, carved into some more... let's say... regular parameters. Yet, there are edges of and in me that cannot be filinged.
Today, my heart beat faster for no apparent reason. Or was there a reason?
No, there was no reason at all. Unfortunately, one cannot control the chemical and biological actions of its own body, when reactions are triggered even by the slightest sun beam. Because deep inside, the heart knows what the mind denies is true.
The mirth will always overcome the sorrow but the sorrow will never leave, becoming that constant regret, anger, the impotence before something that was doomed, even prior to its beginning or the thing that no one could stop from happening.
Things happen because they happen. Like the glass I dropped this morning before leaving, like the keys I forgot after I left, like the fall I took to avoid getting hit and hit another car, like the little notes randomly found making a little more bearable the absence of something dear, like the deadline I am running against in order to present a term paperwork... They just happen.
And in this eternal game of hide and seek I permeate my existence, not knowing if am I to hide forever or seek any other way to fool my heart.
What is done, is done.
Today, my heart beat faster for no apparent reason. Or was there a reason?
Yes, there was a reason.
Brainstorming
I love to express myself, whether through writing, singing, painting... whatever. I think it's cathartic, plus, a lot cheaper than the shrink... But even so, I've been slacking off at everything lately. It's hard to keep up with the things you love to do, opposed to the ones you really have to do.
