Run girl run!

Funny thing how life works...

Sometimes the word "ironic" is just way too good or not even enough to describe some of life's quirks.

I am (well, by the time I'll be posting this, was..) on the train now. I'm going to a friend's place so we can study together, we have a test on Saturday and I really need to pass! OK, so I'm going there. We work pretty well and her boyfriend is good at explaining us the stuff we quite don't get.

This is the first time I actually go to her house but...

Yesterday, when she was giving me the directions to take and all, I almost wish she hadn't..

Because...

I know where she lives. I mean, I know the area, place, whatever..

' Cos I've been there before. Lots of times. Quite some time ago, it was almost my second place to be, if not first. I was rarely home back then.

It's a place that brings me some unpleasant but also, reassuring feelings.

That I am NOT EVER going back to what I was back then.

It's a place where in the past I'd come to get high. Yep, you read well. Get high, stoned, make out with Ms. Lucy in the sky with diamonds, you pick.

And now... I am exactly *there*.

You must agree that it's quite.. awkward.

I used to go there to get high, now I'm here to study! (hard, believe me!)

It's difficult to express, what I am feeling now. A mix of contradictory feelings is stirring inside of me.

My first step out of the train.. God, I was almost trembling. To revive all the memories I had.. walk the same streets and alleys.. I was so relieved when I got to her place. Relieved.

The rest of the day went well, it was a good work day and I am pleased with it.

I really like the new approach I've taken with my life, that I'll always confront my problems, my fears, my hopes. But...

It's quite a burden, I tell you.

Yeah yeah, I know. It'll make me stronger in character. But I dunno if I want to be strong anymore. It's like where is the point of war when you're out of enemies to fight?

Yes, I still have many demons in my closet and problems and fears. Nevertheless sometimes I just want to let go.

There's no point on having wars if you don't have enemies. There's also no point on fighting if you don't have allies to help you on the battlefield.

I am wondering which one suits me most... (By the way, that's MY phrase)