Fragment II

"Prozac doesn't do it, Valium doesn't either... Love cures it all."

What a load of crap!!

I rather trust my life in a box of pills that in love. Love is just a lie. A big one by the way.
I said it to myself and I intend to keep that promise.

I will not fall in love. Ever.

I WIL NOT FALL IN LOVE EVER AGAIN!!!

Besides, deep down inside I feel I am destined to that.

People say I'm darker and bitter and stranger than before. Well, love changed me. And it wasn't for good. I knew love once and now I just wish I hadn't.

If seeing other people's happiness only adds another knife to my wrists, so be it. I don't think I will ever be able to give myself again to someone like I did before.

I try to choke my sorrow in short-term relationships just to forget. But forget what?
A feeling that I know so well and will never die. No matter how many people I meet, no matter how may people I may sleep with, it will not go away.

I still love... my past. And who I was back then. The happy little girl that is screaming inside my head for a bit of light instead of the darkness she embraced.

"No one is here to hear you, no one wants to hear you. Even if they do, they'll just turn their backs on you. Just like her."

I have to go now. Talking about me gives me headaches and I have an idiotic tendency to start crying.

I never cry.