Grimm Love

*heavy heavy sigh*
I'm home.
I wish I wasn't. In fact I wish I hadn't left at all. Well, partially.

I had a text message earlier from a friend of mine. Here is the transcripts in general lines.

Friend:Are you free tonight?
Me:Well quite not free. What's up?
F:Wanna go out, have some dinner?
Me:Hmm, dunno. Why don't you come over, we can eat here. I am filled with work.
F:Nuh uh. Get dressed and be ready at the Forum 8 o'clock sharp.
Me:*groans internally*Pff fine...

I did some more work and got ready. Nothing really fancy, it was just the two of us having dinner. I got there, sharp as always. I see my friend at the rendez-vous point as agreed. Only she wasn't alone, another guy was with her.

'Oh crap.'

"Hey! You're here!" She said broad smile.
"Yes! Yes I am!" I said with my best 'put-a-stick-up-yer-ass-and-bare-it' smile.
"Great!" She introduced the guy to me and we all went for a coffee. So far so good.

Ok, so we're at the coffee shop and she says she's gotta go.
'What? No!!'
"Erm... You can't go! How about dinner?"
"Exactly. Here's your company for tonight missy!" Smug smile.
(º_º) *desert wind passes by me and cold sweats too*
"N..no you didn't underst.."
"Have fun you two! Gotta run!"

I looked at my cup. *sigh*

After a little small talk we decided to watch a movie. 'Grimm Love' was the chosen one. We actually didn't know what it was about. So turns out it was about that German guy that met another guy and ate him. Literally, ate him. It happened like 4 years ago or so. Oh and it was a lil' pro gay. So when the eatee was with the boyfriend (shock! guys kissing) he was like oh man, I didn't know it was like this. I said I didn't mind seeing guys kissing. Oh boy..
The movie went on and he was putting the 'charms' (as if) on me. I wanted to get out. Well, not only because of him but because I wanted to go to the bathroom.

The movie ended (thank god I was tired sick of taking his hand off of my knee). I was starving so we went for a bite (how appropriate for such a movie...) and talked some more. In fact he is a bit interesting. Not enough. At all!

The dreaded moment: Home ride.

Well as a gentleman he brought me home. We were talking in the car and he asked me a kiss. I felt flattered, really. But I said I couldn't. He was disappointed as expected. I hated this.
Then he invited me for a coffee tomorrow. I said yes reluctantly. Then he said he needed to use the bathroom. Ok, the guy just needs to pee.
We walked up to my place and I showed him the bathroom then we sat in my room. I made some coffee and we sat again. He asked again if he could get a kiss.

"It goes against my principles to kiss on a first date." I said half smiling.
"You go all the way instead?" He said giggling. I didn't think it was funny. He acknowledged that. "Hey look at the time. I should be going." He added. I simply nodded.

As I was walking him to the door, I kissed him. No, don't get me wrong. Yes I kissed him close to the lips, but it was a thank you kiss and nothing more.
"I know what's going on." He said. "I wouldn't do anything you wouldn't me wanted to." Here the gentleman again.
"It's not that.." Side glance.
"She told me."
"Told what?" Front look.
"Your selectiveness. Apparently I am not in the list." Wow that was a polite way to put it...
"Huh, well I guess..."
"I don't mind. Tell me how."
Whoa Nelly! Dumbfounded here.
"I don't think it's a good idea..."
He just looked at me. *big internal groan here*

We got back into the room. I looked at him blank as we sat in the floor.
"Now what?"
"Now I'll be who ever you want me to be." Wtf is he talking about?! Not in a million years. He could NEVER be... "I will do as you say."

This can't be good.

(For the purposes of integrity of this blog, I will not depict the following scene. Only some thoughts. Sorry you pervs!)

This is sooo weird. I can't! No way!! Not feeling a thing, just purely physical. Well at least he's being faithful to the deal. Oh my god what am I thinking?! A deal! *squirm, breath* OK, OK... if he's like this might as well enjoy it.

Then I thought of her.

No!! Not now!*squirm, breath breath*

Her.

*breath breath*

Her.

*breath*

I could not bring myself to open my eyes. I felt the moist in them as I sat in the bed. I still had her in my head, I could see her still behind my closed eyes. He sat as well.
"Are you alright?"
"Yeah I'm fine. Huh, I think you should go now."
"Wha'?"
"Please go."
He left and I put my back against the closed door and cried.

Girls would kill to have a guy like him. Why do I just wanna kill myself?

I went to brush my teeth and I was like brushing them for ages since a roomie came to the bathroom and I got back into reality.
"Ya know, if ya keep brushing like that you'll gonna get bleedy gums."
"Sorry, I was just finishing."
"You OK?"
"Yeah, just peachy." I got back to my room and closed the door.

The room seems different. I dunno, I feel strange in here. It shouldn't have happened.

Dunno if I will get some sleep tonight.

I just want to be held. Stroke my hair, hold me tight and tell me everything is gonna be all right.

But it will not.

I don't fell all right.

I fell down terrible awful.

Wouldn't you?

Right now I'm lost in my weakness
In my selfish handmade pain
No way I'll let it go now
I've tried before, I've learned I can't

Weakly I destroy my hope
Turning it into fear
I can't help myself
Like someone is taking over control

I need you.