Finito Est

When things start to go bad for me, they usually go bad all the way..

It's over. Another cycle has ended. I tried to deny it for some time now, but I guess I saw it coming crystal clear.

I am not going to mourn it, it wasn't even painful to hear or see or feel.

It wasn't painful now. It will be later when I realize it.

"Lovers may come and go, but friends stay forever. I want to be your friend. Please..."

It was the last line I heard. Not a single tear escaped my eyes. An answer was long awaited.

The silence was overwhelming. No, I'm not one to make a drama of such things, I've learned to accept Fate and all its twists and turns. I respect it and so, I quietly and humbly resign to myself. It's not my turn to be happy, Not yet.

"Alright." It escaped my lips in the form of a sigh. I felt somehow relieved too.

I felt a warm embrace around me and tear-streaked cheeks press against mine.

"Thank you." The hands caressed my face like so many times before. The eyes, looked sad and thankful at the same time. I wiped some of the tears with my fingers. It was strange.

"I should go now." Despite looking apparently calm, my inner self boiled for an escape.

"Yes..." The soft lips pressed mine as a farewell gift, but I couldn't take long. The kiss was deep but what emotion was left now?

None. I kissed back gently and smiled feebly. "Take care." I left.

I don't want to talk 'bout it, period. From here, no more words shall escape my mouth. In fact, I am trully much looking forward to forget it happened.

I should leave. This place, this city.. I am tired of Lisbon. I want peace. I want a new life. I want MY house by the sea. I want a new heart...

Is it going to be like this forever? The constant running away? If love keeps running out on me should I chase it? Where?

No one knows. But it hurts me a little when I see people happy and in love. I don't envy them. I... I just... I want to feel that too.

And yes, I still believe love is a two-way bridge. The fairytale kind, the one that makes you get butterflies in your belly, the one you know you want to spend the rest of your life with... What point is there in loving someone who doesn't love you back? Just a waste of energy. However... I also believe that love can be a one-way road. When you know the one you love will never love you back the same way, you don't try anymore, you don't stall and let everyone follow their path in life. "Your happiness is my happiness." Some one said someday, maybe I saw it in a movie or so.. True.. but I never said that it was a burden easy to bear, did I?