Anyone but you, Part I:

where are we?
what the hell is going on?

spin me round again
and rub my eyes,
this can't be happening 

Life has so many twists and turns and I should know. Once again, I've been caught in this intricate web of delusions and constraint that keep confusing me, my mind and my heart.

It has been a sort of a build up happening, unrelated events that, so subtly, keep adding up to this state I am in now. 

I simply can't be feeling this.

I guess it started a bit more ago than I really think it did. For me, it was only blatantly happening since last week, when we dragged our sorry bottoms into the night, under the petty excuse of going out. 
I was tired, I spent the whole day driving up, down and around the town and I got home with the biggest urge to call you or text you and say I was calling it off but I didn't do it. I knew you'd be upset and all, since we we're hyping it up for the whole week. I couldn't simply do that.

So, against my body's pleas and in favor of my mind's whims, I did go out.


The night was not that uneventful, having room for some laughs, alcohol, warm and fuzzy feelings that should have not taken place. Nevertheless, for a moment (or some moments), those thoughts were put aside, every time I argued with myself and strongly shook my head, eyes closed, hoping no one would notice, as if that simple movement would shake off the sinful thoughts that stubbornly kept rushing into my mind.

They just didn't disappear.

Now, more than a week after, I find myself craving for some balance between you and me.

I can only write random thoughts about the things I can only dream of...