Dusk

Heck. It's been a while.

When I started this blog, it was kind of an extension of me. I posted almost every day. Now, not so much. I am even surprised I even remember the password to get here. Maybe I should post more. Write here all the things I want to say and can't say them.

Maybe this is one of those moments. I've been meeting lots of new people. Funny people, people who I like to talk to. Probably a bit more than I really thought I would like to. Perhaps even only one in particular.

I don't know how it got to this point. Might sound harsh, but I never had any intentions of deepening this bond. Maybe I still don't have those intentions. Maybe I do not want this. Maybe I am tricking myself into somewhat wanting this.

How do I get out?
Is this really happening? Can it be real? Could she really mean what she's saying? Sometimes it seems so... artificial.
I do not want this. 
I do not want this.
How do I stop it? Can it be stopped? Won't it derrail into something bad, dreadful even?

I do not want to hurt her. I really don't.
But I think that's exactly what is going to happen.
I need things to be real.
This is possibly just a crush.. Not, not even a crush. A fling? A thing?  
The conditioning my mind imposes are too a restraint.
The distance.
The age difference.
The ghost of YOU. 

I can't leave YOU just yet. And certainly not with a relationship like this, destined to fail. 


I can't lie. It certainly has been a distraction, a welcome distraction. Maybe more than it really should be.
I can't lie. Spending hours awake just to talk to her.
I can't lie. I do miss hearing her voice.
I ca't lie. I do blush when she sends me some innocent, perhaps not so innocent, innuendo messages.
I can't lie. I let out a breath I know I am holding whenever she sends the far, far from innocent messages. Sometimes it even makes me forget what she is.
I can't lie. It sometimes almost feel like happiness, it almost feels like it could be.

What is she then?
What is this?

I don't want this. I can't.

Under Maintenance

Hello everyone! (^_^)/

I apologize for yet another of my forced absence here in the blog, but other priorities ensued. I'll do a slight makeover on the blog since I noticed some of the icons seemed to have disappeared.

Hope that now that I have a little more free time, I'll post and update more regularly.

Take care! (^_^)/

Love,
~Lach