Girl Talk

I feel weird today. I'd be lying if I said I didn't know why or what is making me feel this way. I had a truly enlightening conversation with a friend yesterday. But honestly, I do not know if I should call it enlightening...

I still don't know if I should have said the things I did. But in one hand... I feel some kind of relief however.. I feel like I've done a big, big mess.

I got to bed later last night, around 4AM.. Needless to say that I didn't get any sleep. I woke again at about 6.30 and I was nauseous. I had to throw up.. I've been sick all day long.

Do you think it's easier to talk to a complete stranger about earth-shattering events in your life, or instead with some one who is a good friend?

I cried last night. I wouldn't call them tears of sadness. More of consolation I'd say. I can't help to feel bad about it. Last night when I started talking I had no idea it would take the path it did.. I guess I got scared. I've seen so many people come and go in my life that I don't want to go through that again. The fear of rejection sometimes speaks louder than the will to be strong and courageous.

I.. I don't like to talk about me because it makes me feel vulnerable and I don't want people to see that side of me. But I couldn't have told her. I know she is my friend and she says everything is going to be fine.. Will it truly? : (

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go throw up some more.. My stomach gets really sensitive lately.

SADNESS

n. having, expressing, or showing low spirits or sorrow; unhappy; mournful; sorrowful.

Maternal Instincts

Yesterday a friend of mine called me early on the morning. I only picked up due to the fact that she is indeed a good friend. She seemed a bit desperate and she asked if I could meet her as soon as possible. I still protested a bit, saying that I was rather tired and if she couldn't get anyone else to go with her. It didn't have any effect.

So off I went. We met at the café just a few blocks from my place. Needless to say that desperate was an understatement..

Between bites (Yes I got out without my breakfast! Can you believe that?!) I managed to understand the reason for her distress: She thinks she's pregnant. I asked her several times if she was really conviced about it to which she aswered:

Round 1) "Yes! Asolutely!"

Round 2) "Well I am sure I am..."

Round 3) "Hm.. I think so.."

Round 4) "Really? I dunno.."

Have you done the test? I ask. That got a nice fuss from her face. She says she hasn't. Well how are you supposed to know if you're pregnant if you HAVEN'T done the test?!

That also drew some lip-twitching from her.

Well? Are you gonna do it or not? She was uncertain. "C'mon, let's go." I took her by her arm.

"Wh-Where?"

"To the pharmacy. I'm gonna get you a pregnancy test."

Imagine me, getting a pregnancy test! I, of all people! *shrugs sholders* Well, one can never say never.. But as I was waiting in the line my thoughts sort of started difting.. What if...

No doubt I want to have kids. Actually I've been wanting it quite a while ago.. I think I'd absolutely love the fulfilling experience that is motherhood. Sometimes when I look at mothers' and their kids, mothers'-to-be, I get a little melancholic. I realize.. I want that too.

I got her the test, we got back my place and she did it.

All is well when it ends well.. She wasn't pregnant after all. At least that's what the test showed. But I.. I felt somehow a strange sense of longing...

Maybe deep down inside, I secretly wished it was me... And that the result had been different.

Maybe I am just hallucinating.

One year ago

It happened one year ago. She may think I don't even remember it, or that I don't even care... But... I do.

It was a wonderful night and it will be engraved in my memory till the day I die. She may think I am just heartless about it. It's not true. We have scarcely spoken ever since... I must admit.. Somtimes, I am not a perfect lady.

If things were different... I would really enjoy to be with her.

But they're not.

It was one year ago. I still remember it like if it was this morning, when I woke up.

And I have to say... If time went back, I'd do it again and again.

It was worth every second.

It was one year ago...

Paradox

I want you
it all comes down to that simple fact

But if I had you, I would want you forever
and to have you forever
I would have to change you
or lose my mind

But...

Tell that to my hands
who can't forget how you melted
under their careful attention
and the hot sun

Who can't forget wondering
what adorned the topology
they explored so carefully
raven, or dragon?

Who can't forget hoping
you wouldn't notice their trembling
part exhaustion
part anticipation

Tell that to my ears
who can't forget the small sounds
of your contentment promising
an aria announcing your pleasure

Tell that to my nose
who can't forget the smell of your hair
when you hugged me close
hello and goodbye

Tell that to my lips
who can't forget wondering
how the soft skin at the nape of your neck
would taste

Could you tell that I wanted you?
There in the dark
as I sat on my bed choosing
words too careful to sound natural?

Could you tell when I told you
how I might feel, wanting you
and knowing you could never be mine alone
that I was confessing?

Could you tell when you told me
that loving two doesn't mean loving
one less
that I understood?

Because after the long, hard
miles are done
I don't love her any less
despite all the ghosts

But...

I want you
it all comes down to that simple fact.

New Blog

Today I decided to create a new blog. It will be a photography blog and I am still deciding what name am I going to give it. A temporay name could be "Fragments", or anything that suits..But I am still working on it.. If anyone has any suggestions for a name, please send 'em. I'd appreciate some help :)





Post Notem:
The blog is already created. It is Life In Fragments and the add is http://life-in-fragments.blogspot.com

Sometimes I wish I wouldn't pick up my phone...

Today was no exception. The ringing woke me from my slumber. A long night out and a considerate amount of alcohol had its toll. I could barely move in bed, much less pick the goddamn thing. But I did, maybe hoping to hear a familiar voice on the other side. It wasn't who I thought it would be, but then again if I were guessing, I would never get it right. Let's call him James, for the time being. An old acquaintance of mine. He was the last person I'd ever hope to hear in this life. I met him quite a long time, I think. Everything looks so distant now. He was part of that past I want to bury and forget it ever existed. I met him by chance, but he changed me completely. He's one of those people who's always there to help you when you're down. Except that the help he provides is usually the wrong kind and it always drives you even deeper to the bottom...
He used to give me stuff... Well, not quite give.. I bought 'em from him. He had all covered. From acid, XTC, predatory D's, you name it. I never knew if he dealt the higher ranks, but it wouldn't surprise me if he did.
So anyway, he called me. He was polite, no doubt about that, if I didn't know him like I do, I'd say he's a perfect gentleman.
"Just cut the small talk James, whaddya want? I thought we were through."
"Darling! Are we moody today?" He joked.
"Look I told you, I don't want anymore business with you."
His tone was more serious this time.
"That's a shame. I've heard you're with some problems. You knew I always were here for you. I could be of some assistance to you now."
I thought for a moment. He still knew most of my friends and contacts as well. It's not like I brag about my personal life, but I've spoken to few people. That would be enough for him to know.
"Problems, me? Nope! Not a clue. Your informant must have been mistaken."
"Really? I heard someone's heart is being played with."
I never wavered my pose, but I kept listening.
"The blondie... she's nice." I could feel him grinning. "But she's not for you. I heard she didn't waste much time looking for a summer breeze. And by the looks of it, it ain't you, darling."
"Shut up and fuck off James!"
"Hey I am only warning you. Don't say I'm not your friend."
I gritted my teeth.
"Listen, I have to go now. I'll keep in touch with you. By the way, I checked your place and you have mail."
"No James, I don't need anything from you. No help, no happy pills, NOTHING! So get the fucking E's or whatever shit you put on my box and leave me alone! I'm out!!"
"Tsk tsk.. how kids grow up so fast these days. Fine, have it your way. We'll see who laughs for last."
The line went dead. I couldn't believe what just happened.

I went for a walk. I needed to clear my head out.

Please tell me this isn't happening...

This image is brought to you with the courtesy of Photoshop and myself! (^_^)





Ahhhh dear Photoshop, what would I do without you?!

Fall Into You

Seems so far
That I have gone down this road
Only to find that it ends
But lookin' back
There is one thing that I know
I can't make it all alone again

'Cause I'm too weak to stand on my own
When all I need is you

[Chorus]
So lead me
Guide me
Hold me
Hide me in love
With all that you are
and all that you do

Hear me
Take me
Mold me
Break me, oh God
Just fill all of me
As I fall into you

Just catch me as I fall
But all this time
I have felt so alone
losing myself in my despair
With loving arms
You were waiting for me to let go
With every step
you were there

'Cause I'm too weak to stand on my own
When all I need is you

(chorus)

Oh my child
How I have longed
For you to come home
to where you belong
All of your life
If you could just see
All of my joy
When you are here with me (X2)

Hear me

Take me
mold me
break me, oh god
Just fill all of me
as I fall into you

__..__

I miss you... I miss us... ♥

Tristis est anima mea

Tristis est anima mea usque ad mortem.
Sustinete hic et vigilate mecum.
Nunc videbitis turbam quae circumdabit me.
Vos fugam capietis, et ego vadam immolari pro vobis.

__..__

Sorrowful is my soul even unto death.
Stay here, and watch with me.
Now you shall see the mob that will surround me.
You shall take flight, and I shall go to be sacrificed.

The Open Door

Well! After this sneak peek, I am really looking forward to the whole album! I know I know.. Many people mock me because I like Evanescence.. Those pitiful, witiless remarks do nothing but mere scratches on my shell!

Plus, Amy is reaaaally cute! So. suck on that suckahs! ( ì_ í ) .l..

Evanescence - Call Me When You're Sober

Ladies and gentlemen, it is a pleasure to present you the latest video from Evanescence!

(..) And suddenly the whole little red hooding concept had a 360º spin on my head! Dang, Amy looks so damn fine! (*_*) *starry eyes* Oh god... *cold cold shower*

Some sight for sore eyes...

Once again, thanks to all the people that keep visiting The Kiss Of The Valkyrie!
And maybe from now on, all Hits! pseudo-banners will feature some eye-candy! But just maybe! :p
* I want he.. the dollie! (¤_¤)' *

I believe
That our souls meet before our bodies
They speak
They hear
They see
They do the things that we cannot
I believe
They love
They hate
They become indifferent
We love
We hate
We become indifferent
Before our eyes even meet.
I believe
Not in love at first sight
But before.

Scaling the walls of perfection
I realize
I have no direction.
What is the meaning of existence?

Reminiscence.

Where is my life going too?
Will I live to see the day
of eternal peace,
or shall I cease to exist
long before?

What more is there to know?
Summer brings sun,
winter brings snow.

Each season passes
with one more year
of pain.

Thank God for the rain
to clean my soul
of my passions... unfulfilled.

Missing

Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
Maybe someday you'll look up,
And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one:
"Isn't something missing?"

You won't cry for my absence, I know -
You forgot me long ago.
Am I that unimportant...?
Am I so insignificant...?
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?

Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't someone missing me?

Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
I know what you do to yourself,
I breathe deep and cry out,
"Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?"

Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't someone missing me?

And if I bleed, I'll bleed,
Knowing you don't care.
And if I sleep just to dream of you
I'll wake without you there,
Isn't something missing?
Isn't something...

Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
"Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?"

--//--

I have listened to this song hundreds of times... Since the first time I heard it, I fell in love with it. I always cry when I listen it.. Yeah, sentimental fool, I know. I can't help it. It's like this song was a excerpt of my life. I remember the first time I listened it, I got goosebumps in my skin. It reminds so many things, so many people, so many lost treasures...

It really gets to me I guess.

Now more than ever.

Êxtase

Experimente o puro êxtase correndo ao longo de um prado de flores nos Alpes. Caso não exista um prado de flores do Alpes na sua área de residência, experimente correr no quintal da sua casa. (Para prolongar o êxtase, corra muuuuito devagar.)

Morte

Não tenha medo da Morte. A Morte não é mais do que a continuação da Vida, apenas sem respirar. Coma muito espinafre.

Pensamentos negativos

Quando lhe vêm à mente pensamentos negativos, aponte-os num papel. Em seguida, segure o papel sobre uma vela acesa. Enquanto observa o papel sendo consumido pela chama, diga para si próprio: "Adeus, pensamentos negativos." Dirija-se então à porta da frente, abra-a de par em par , e grite:"Olá pensamentos positivos, por favor entrem!"

Se se aperceber de que não há de momento pensamentos positivos à entrada da porta, grite alto e a bom som:

"Sacanas! Nunca aparecem quando é preciso!"

Descubra quem é

A melhor maneira de descobrir quem é, é dirigir-se a alguém que o conheça bem e perguntar-lhe:
"Olá, quem sou eu?"

Ler o seu nome no BI ou na carta de condução constitui outra forma útil de descobrir quem é.

Paz interior

Descubra a paz interior comprimindo e descomprimindo as suas nádegas pelo menos vinte vezes por dia.

Ansiedade no local de trabalho

Quando se encontra sujeito a stress no local de trabalho, nada há de mais tranquilizante do que um chá de ervas. Prepare o chá, junte uma colherada generosa de mel natural, e de seguida despeje sobre o PC da pessoa que lhe anda a dar cabo da paciência.